From Crack Addict To Pastor
"From Crack Addict To Pastor"
by Karen Sills
In the Beginning
The year was 1987 and I was living on Horah Street, in Salisbury, North Carolina. I was involved with an older man named Carl. He paid all my bills and put money in my pocket. He was my Sugar Daddy. I slept with him whenever it was convenient, or just to get what I wanted when I wanted it. There were also other men that I slept with on a weekly basis just to get money. It worked like this: they would come by my house, we’d have sex, they would pay me for services rendered, and then go back home to their wives. I went on doing the same thing continuously, for a time, just to make money. Sometimes we used condoms, and sometimes we didn’t. At the time, it didn’t bother me that I was having unprotected sex with these men. I never worried about STD’s or AIDS. My only concern was the pocket full of money they had. Let’s face it; I wasn’t cheap. In fact, I was very expensive. And since I loved to shop, I was what you would consider high-maintenance. The clothes I adorned were whorish and revealing, leaving nothing to the imagination. I was definitely, ghetto fabulous.
Carl was my main man. When we saw each other, it wasn’t always to sleep together. I made him a lot of promises that I never kept. He was in his fifty’s and all he wanted, most of the time, was for me to be there just so he could look at me. I assumed he just wanted companionship. He enjoyed being in the company of a sexy, young woman. However, every now and then, he wanted me to sleep with him. Yet, most of the time, I got away with not doing anything at all.
Carl had a trailer on Linwood Street in Lexington, North Carolina. He purchased me a four-speed Dodge Colt. I was so excited about that car! This was not the first automobile he’d bought for me. I just wanted something new, and he was more than happy to oblige. His credit was established and in good standing. Because of this, I had anything I wanted. Let me stress, he took really good care of me! All I had to do was ask and Carl provided. I was addicted to money, and the love of money is the root of all evil.
One day I was at a friend’s apartment in Zion Hill. We were playing a card game called Spades. That’s where I met Buddy Frazier. He was so fine! I said to myself, I’ve got to have him. We began to talk and I invited him over to my house. In fact, I took him home with me that night. However, we didn’t have sex even though he spent the night; at least, not that night. We were just getting to know each other. Now, me on the other hand, wanted that man in the worse way. Nevertheless, I held out.
The next day, we both got up and showered. Because I had to work, I took him to his sister’s house. At the time, I was working at McDonald’s in Thomasville, North Carolina as cashier. After I got off of work, I went back to his sister’s house and picked him up. It was no secret that I was infatuated with Buddy, and he was feeling me too.
I was single and he claimed to be as well. Therefore, taking him home that evening held no consequences for me. Let’s face it, I wasn’t saved and neither was he.
We had sex that night for the first time. I should have concerned myself with protection in more ways than one, but I was smitten. I wasn’t concerned about any dangers. I thank my Lord and Savior that he was on my side during this time. I now know that it was Him, and only Him, that protected me.
That night, we committed ourselves to one another and I gave him a key to my apartment. Well, it wasn’t long before I found out that Buddy had another agenda. My love, my heart, the man of my desires, was a crack addict.
Who Said One Hit And You’re Hooked?
In the name of love, I wanted to fit into the world of Buddy Frazier. I wanted to please him. So, when I saw him cooking cocaine for the very first time, I decided to try it. I felt this would make him happy. Now I know that it is better to please God than man. My only concern should have been to fit in the world of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and stay there!
Thanks be to God, I didn’t get hooked the first time. I decided that I was not going to be involved with drugs. In all honesty, that first experience scared me to death. I became very sick from smoking cooked-up cocaine. After throwing up for what seemed like hours, I told Buddy that I didn’t want to be involved with drugs anymore. He promised me that he wouldn’t use it anymore either. And, I believed him.
I went to sleep that night and Buddy woke me and asked me for some money. I told him I only had my car payment. He promised me that he would only spend twenty to forty dollars. Like a fool, I gave him the key to my car and told him where the money was. And like a fool, I rolled over and went back to sleep. When I awoke the next morning, I found that he’d spent all my money except for some change. I was so mad at him. But, he promised that he would pay the money back before my car payment was due. And once again, I believed him.
Yes, I still wanted him. I wanted to be involved with my one desire, my ultimate temptation, Buddy. Yes, I put up with it and with him.
That’s the problem with some of us, we put up with unnecessary mess when we don’t have to not knowing that 1 Peter 5:7 says, Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. Which means, all we have to do is cast all our cares at the feet of Jesus. God is a burden-bearer and a heavy-load carrier. Proverbs 3:5 says, all we have to do is trust in Him and allow Him to direct our paths. And, John 6:37 says, if any man come to me I will in no wise cast him out. God has all the answers, and He owns the cattle upon a thousand hills. I’ve come to the conclusion that since God doesn’t eat beef; some of those cattle belong to me. Hallelujah!
Anyway, one night I went to pick Buddy up at his sister’s house when he asked me to come inside for a moment. He went upstairs while I stayed downstairs talking to a man that was also visiting. His female companion was upstairs with Buddy.
After a while, both of us were tired of waiting for them to come back downstairs. We both knew they were upstairs smoking crack. So, I asked him if he wanted to go with me to my apartment where both of us would be more comfortable. I figured we could watch some television, talk, and get to know one another. Neither of us was interested in smoking crack to get high. He said yes, so we left while they were still upstairs smoking.
I knew this man had plenty of money. Therefore, my sole intention was to get me some of it. Since Buddy had spent my car payment getting high, I felt that he would be happy if I got the money from this man. Hey, I needed money. So, I was going to try and get it from him. Someway. Somehow.
I was very good at scheming. Men were always telling me how sexy I was. I knew how to make a man pay my price and get what I wanted. I had seen this man around, so he wasn’t a complete stranger to me. He drove very expensive cars, so I figured he must have money and I could get paid in full. Or, so I thought.
I had already made up my mind that I wasn’t going to sleep with him. As I’d done so many times before, I figured I’d just make some promises I never intended to keep. I was a very good liar. As a matter of fact, I was a professional liar. I practiced the art of lying like an actress practices lines for an audition. I would practice out-loud just to see if it sounded believable and good to me. And, if it passed that test, I would tell it to whoever would believe it.
I lived in an one-bedroom apartment, which was extremely small, but was home. After we entered my apartment, I went into my bedroom to put something cozy on, which happened to be a very short and sexy negligee. Then, I invited him into my bedroom and told him he could take his clothes off in order to get more comfortable. As we lay on the bed, we watched television and made small talk about ourselves.
After we had been there for a while, I heard a knock on the door. So, I went to answer it. I heard Buddy say, “Net, let me in. I know you got a man in there. Now, let me in.”
“No!” I told him. “You’ve been drinking and smoking, and you need to go back where you came from.”
He continued to knock on the door. Then I heard him say, “If you don’t let me in, I’m gonna kick the door down.”
After knocking for nearly a half hour, he did, in fact, kick the door in. Then, he told Carl to get up and put his clothes on. In all the confusion, I tried to tell Buddy that we hadn’t done anything but talk. But, I guess the situation looked anything but innocent. The fact of the matter was, I was in the bedroom with a man wearing my sexy negligee.
Buddy had been drinking and doing drugs, and he wasn’t trying to hear anything I had to say. He acted as if he wanted to fight Carl, but Carl was telling Buddy that he didn’t want any trouble.
Carl was putting on his shirt and reaching for his pants when, all of a sudden, Buddy snatched his wallet and ran out of the apartment.
“I’ve been robbed, I’ve been robbed,” Carl shouted. “Call the police.”
Finally, somebody called the police and when they came, Carl told them that I had nothing to do with it. They asked me if I would go to the police station and write a statement. So, I did just.
When I got home, Buddy was not there and I had no idea where he was.
I got up the next morning and went to work. I was so worried about Buddy. I didn’t know if the police had found him.
For days, I continued to go by his family’s house asking for him. I told them that if they saw Buddy to tell him I was looking for him. Above all, I wanted him to know that I loved him.
After a few more days, he came around.
“You know the police are looking for you?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” he answered grimly. “Net, let’s leave Salisbury and go to South Carolina. We’ll live with my aunt.”
At first, I didn’t want to go. But then I thought, I would have him all to myself. I wanted to be with him so badly. I was in love. I was young, dumb, and crazy. So, I agreed.
He told me that the police couldn’t touch him if we were in another state. So we left, leaving behind everything I had in that apartment.
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